If you want a man, learn how to cook.
You hear it all the time from men: We want a woman that can cook.
But what does that mean? Are all men lazy, self-centered pigs who want a gourmet meal everyday when they come home from work? What is cooking? What defines being a 'woman that can cook'?
Now to define cooking, let us look at what cooking is not:
- Cooking is not: throwing something in the oven or the microwave and boom, 30 minutes or 2 minutes later, you have dinner. I understand busy moms or families who pre-make dinners, BUT those who just buy a pizza or a lasagna for dinner is NOT a cook!! Sidenote: a good test is if a 5 year old kid could do it, it is NOT COOKING! There are amazing prepackaged stuff, but that is not cooking.
- Cooking is not: cup ramen, hot dogs, or mac and cheese (the blue box)
- Cooking/(Baking) is not: cakes in a box
- Cooking is not: cereal. Although I love me a bowl!
- Cooking is not: a pre-made salad.
- Cooking is not: a PB&J
- Cooking is not: buying a rotisserie chicken
Now let's look at what cooking IS:
- Cooking is: trying.
- Cooking is: knowing how to read a recipe and follow the instructions.
- Cooking is: knowing the difference between diced, minced, chopped, cubed.
- Cooking is: knowing that garlic, shallots, EVOO (olive oil), lemons, are necessities in almost every dish.
- Cooking is: nutritious (You know what goes into your food rather than the highly preserved, how-long-can-it-stay-on-the-shelf-before-rotting mega corporations abuse it)
- Cooking is: love.
Ever heard of the word scratch? Ya, start there.
The thing is we like the non-cooking things as much as the cooking things. Some people prefer one side over the other. I lean more toward the cooking side. There are guys that are totally content with a PB&J, 3% milk, and an ice cream bar. They love it.
So when you hear a guy say they want a girl that knows how to cook, it is not them asking for Giada-esque food every night. It is being comforted by the fact that delicious meals can be made and are made, from the heart. It doesn't hurt to watch and learn from the Food Network either 
Should Women Initiate?
This is the 3a post in an ongoing series on Relationships. Part 3 was on The Opposite of Settling is Unsettling. How the word settling has an inherently defeated connotation and that many times, the best people are right in front of you. My hope is that this series supports and intentionalizes more quality, Godly relationships; and stops some of the childish bickering that happens through an insightful and funny series.
Should women take initiative? I recently got asked this question by a friend of mine. My comment turned into a post.
Some thoughts that come to mind:
You don't want a guy that won't go after you. That won't chase you. Percentage wise on how far women should go in initiating, I don't know. I just know you don't want to go 100%.
But it is true that guys are way out numbered by girls, like 2-1 or 3-1 so when you do find someone you REALLY like, I am going to guess that some other girls like that guy too. So you 'have to get yours'. The field is against you. One of the characteristics I said in Proverbs 31 was being diplomatic: Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way. I love this quote. Just make him think that he was choosing you As in, he may not even really notice you. It is not one side selecting and the other side just obliging, it is both sides mutually agreeing. I don't think women should take the initiative, but they can spark interest in a variety of ways.
The Chase
So you definitely don't want to go 100%, unless you want a guy with no backbone. No balls. So then the question becomes, what percentage is right? There is not a right answer. Some girls are happily content going 99% of the way, meaning the guy just shows up. Actually, for 1% he just sits there. So is it 87%, 67%, 53% 43%, 25%, 0%?
50/50: the line of demarcation. When you go past 50/50 you are playing offensive. Vulnerable to get hurt. Below the 50/50 line, you are playing defensive. It is your home base. You are safe. You won't get hurt because you're not allowing yourself to get hurt. 50/50 means you are there half way and you expect the other partner to come at least half way, which is noble. Now I say 'at least' because women are confusing. Women love to play tricks, whether for good, bad or unknowing intentions.
Example: Women piques guys interest by going 74% of the way her way. Guy thinks 'wow this girl really likes me. I'm interested and I will go on the offensive next time we meet!' Next time they meet, girl is at 0%, guy is at 74% his side and thinks 'what the heck did I do wrong?' Does my cologne stink? Do I have bad breath?' It's the chase. Women love to do it. It's a misnomer to think that some women just play defensive their whole life, because guys just keep coming. That they don't have to do anything. Sure guys flock to specific women but their secret is that they play offense. There is always a problem. The problem for those girls is finding, filtering, and getting the junk guys out of the way. For others, it will mean playing more offense. Positives and negatives to both sides.
Now if you went offensive for a bit then went back to the 50/50 line, not willing yourself to get hurt, he may find you there. It is those who go back and forth, back and forth, that confuse the male species. It's not bad, it's just a work out.
Ultimately, the question is, what kind of guy do you want? A guy that will just play defense? A guy that never goes past 50/50? Or a guy that just takes 3 steps past the line of demarcation? Personally, if I had a daughter, I would want her to get a guy who was offensive, not defensive. There's an old sports cliche 'defense wins you championships'. Meaning, know yourself. Know what you want. Recheck that list. Do what you are good at and what characteristics you want in a potential spouse. However, it is very, very rare to win with just defense. Defense can help your offense. There is no way you will win if you are at 0%. However some people may need to be there for a season of their lives. Maybe you are at 25%. Do you need to be at 40%? 1% point makes a big difference. Just don't stand there at 79%, you'll look a little desperate.
There is an underlying question to: should women take initiative? Why should you have to take initiative? Because you are worried? Because of the outnumbering of girls to guys? Those are bad reasons. Those are worldly reasons.
Does he not notice you because there are tons of other women grabbing at his attention? Then you may have to go on some offense for a bit. Not always. Just to pique his attention. The chase, right? Some great guys are just blinded, consumed with all the 79ers who entice like no other. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. So you've got to get their attention, the old offense to defense switcharoo, and get those guys 'working out' again.
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